Wondering how to talk about money with your spouse? Is it even possible to talk about money as a couple without fighting?
Also, how can you manage your money better as a team?
Let’s find out…
These are important questions to answer, especially since a recent survey by credit firm Experian revealed that 59 percent of divorcees say finances played a role in the breakup of their marriage.
Furthermore, 20 percent said that financial conflict was a factor in their divorce.
Your ability to effectively manage money and communicate about finances with your significant other is, therefore, a key to your relationship success.
We also believe it’s a key to your business success as one of the toughest challenges an entrepreneur can face is to not have their partner, and often their biggest life and emotional support, onboard with what they’re building.
In our free guide The Art of Financial Intimacy: How to Manage Your Money as an Entrepreneur Couple we shared the following 9 myths about marriage and money.
These money myths can really hurt your marriage if you don’t work on your financial intimacy as a couple.
So being able to talk about and manage money as a couple is a vital tool for improving your relationship.
3 Benefits of Being Able To Talk Money With Your Spouse
- It removes doubt and suspicion
- It uncovers negative money patterns and behaviors so that you can address them together as a team
- It teaches you how to open up about fears and frustrations, and builds a deeper connection. Did you know that improved financial intimacy leads to improved sexual intimacy?
In this episode, we dive into money management, and how to talk about money as a couple.
Key Takeaways From This Episode:
- Two different ways of approaching money (and debt), and the importance of uncovering each partner’s money mindset
- The first date and what that might reveal about your (potential) partner’s money mindset
- Practical tips for talking about finances with your spouse (without fighting)
- Things you can talk about when having money conversations
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A-Ha! Quotes from This Episode:
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
- T Harv Eker’s JARS money management system for personal finances
- Podcast Giveaway: Win 1 of 3 Prizes in The Epic Entrepreneur Growth Bundle Giveaway ($5,000 worth of tools and resources!)
- Improve Business Finances with the Profit First System
- Free money allocation spreadsheet
- Read our free guide to developing financial intimacy with your spouse and take control of your finances as a couple (click image below).
Click here to view the full transcript
Narrator: Did you know that financial intimacy can lead to better sexual intimacy with your significant other money is never just about dollars and cents. Money is wrapped up with emotions such as fear, insecurity, envy, and guilt, and attitudes such as control. So want to improve your financial intimacy. Grab our free guide at www.foundersconnect.co/financialintimacy today.
Welcome back to founders connects podcast. I’m Cindy Pham & I’m Anfernee Chansamooth, and today’s episode is to talk about the challenges or the habits of money.
Yep, so tell me… how do you manage and talk about money as a couple, and why is this important?
(Money) causes a lot of breakups. And what is the stats Anfernee? (laughing)
Well, there was a recent survey by credit firm Experion where it reviewed 59% of divorces senate finances playing a role in the breakup of their marriage 20% said that financial conflict was a significant factor in their divorce.
So, therefore, it is quite important as you see to actually get your finances talked about.
So that’s what we’re going to cover in this episode.
In episode 1 we actually went through how to separate business and personal finances and this episode is more focused around how to actually have the communication, and have difficult money conversations because for some of us it’s a touchy point and we tried to you know avoid really revealing what’s going on with our money and that does cause significant problems later downstream for your relationship and your business I’d be a good way to start here is just our story and how we developed our ability to better communicate around money so you want to take us back to our first date and what that told you about my money habit
oh my god the worst date ever. so that I tell everyone in the whole world whoever made that was my worst that ever so the reason why that shows that lot about his financials mindset is that he was very conscious of so basically so let me tell you the story so it was our date right and then we went to a courtyard was it? a court because each card food court that’s Darling Harbour yeah and guess what he bought me for our first date dinner? Nah. Okay so first of all, what were you expecting
I expect the normal that is normally which is in a salon pick me up for my work and so on who take me and organize our pre-booked dinner flowers on site etc. You know you got that general kind of thing but I actually do get all that
so what did you get instead?
totally opposite my dude was late which is now my husband. he didn’t have a plan at all in regards well no I to me he didn’t seem to have a plan where we will go where we gonna eat you know, it just seemed like I just want a hang or something.
Well, there is a first that you do just want to hang
So we did end up at a food court at for those of you been to Sydney it’s called dining hall, but area and herbicide and the we came upon this place that was its course. So origin
Yeah, there you go. First advertising there. And so they were having a last minute no dyes sale to for how much five is. So there you go. So I’m betting so if any of you singles are out there listening to this, you know, the whole thing is to
do the opposite of what they’re expecting.
That’s why we’re married isn’t it. But what does that tell you about money.
So in that case, it tells me that he is not that well off. Or he might have some money issues or problems or his very like careful with his money either way, any of those for first impression.
Ok. And then just some background. So at the time, I was working full time, and Cindy also had a full time job. So in that regard, money really wasn’t an issue for the day to day dating life for us. And I deliberately chosen not to do the expensive restaurant which is typical to try to impress the girl
ok that’s another story.
and then tell us more about our relationship. See with money,
another fight for the day we were in our onesie. And this was quite sad. And I don’t know how it came up. I can’t remember at the stage but we weren’t ones in Vivid and we’re just walking around and just enjoy that night. And then guess what, he blurted “I am in debt”.
because that’s what you’re doing on a day. Just bring it up. So I don’t remember what number date that was to do that first of all, for those who don’t know what that is, it’s basically an event happens once a year in Sydney. A lot of lights in the city. It happens at night artists come out and create all these wonderful sculptures and it’s very cold because happens in the winter which is why we weren’t you know, one of these
and we also we also thought that was a fun way for us to have some fun and you may in May yeah and to be different you know, walk around as unicorns we got a lot of a couple of comments and housing photos referendums,
but yeah, I don’t know why. But this topic of my debt came up
Why was I shocking for you?
Cause I thought he at least it’s just a stingy person button. And I he was away in debt and doesn’t seem to care as much or something. But for me, I would never put myself into debt.
Okay. So right. There is an example of two different ways of approaching money, personal finances and conversation like that actually highlighted that difference. Yes. And so it’s about what I just talked about. It’s a mindset.
Now, what are some tips that based on what we know what we experienced that our listeners can take away in terms of how to have money conversations with their spouse?
So ever since then, we have also developed a weekly one day that we just talk about our finances. So that kind of help us along our purpose in this open into any questions or issues in regards to money.
So that’s a potentially scheduling time to have in your calendar because we’re busy and we have work and whatever else to actually we’re focusing on specific money in our relationship. And, you know, proceeding that another tip here is actually sitting down together and then working out what your goals are as a couple and you know, we mapped out everything from like, who is five years ahead and going backwards two years, one year six months what we’re doing the next 30 days and then the regular meeting that’s a nice talking about is an opportunity for us to actually evaluate those how are we tracking against those goals whereas our cash flow coming in from this month? Raise it from your part time job boys are from the business or Did someone give you some winning lottery
and what did you spend most importantly
Yeah, and where is that money going? So what How’s it coming in, how’s it going out Okay, so then that leads us to the next tip which is watching the so
um, I do the reconciliations or as you can say, just double checking the inflow and outflow of money so man come in money come out and just allocating it to an account so in finance or in accounting terms you do reconciliations to balance their account out and so that is what I do and if you don’t know what it is then ask your partner and then you can allocate that to the right account
If I could put that in plain English because I had to learn this from Cindy as well didn’t know her background is in financial accounting so this often applies to business but the interesting thing is it also applies to personal finances and that’s the challenge because a lot of us don’t grow up that way unless your parents are already doing that with families doing that and we had over you’ve got like in this case she had a family business, her cafe so you need to apply to discipline in you know we grew up learning how to save because that’s what our parents drum into our heads but not so much into investment like look how do you invest that money and how do you make sure you know you don’t overspend or live within your means right but obviously that listen failed on me (laughing)
all the is very obvious
right so he had someone who is so me I’m like a typical spend us in is a typical saver okay and investor as well so we’re learning how to navigate those together and then work as a couple as a team and make sure that our money is working for us not against us and and I had to do some reprogramming and learning how to better manage money but also had a better relate to money and which is the mindset those CDs talk about
important so that leads us to the final and the most important to is having that difficult money conversations so as I’d had it his banger on me so doesn’t matter depends on your partner and having any of those conversation has also clears your suspicious and also your thoughts on you know the money how he is and how his the and then how he creates the money how has been set and new guys as a couple work out what is best to do that in terms of your life? Yeah, your life and you’re going on inside it goes. And also how to actually, you know, credit spending habits as both of you. What is it?
Yep. So, you know,
previous episode we did talk about to T Harv Eker bucket allocation system for personal finances, we recommend you go and listen to the episode if you haven’t already, because it actually breaks down the system that we’re using for personal finances now in the business world, because we also run a business. There’s a system called profit first credit by a guy called Mike McCullough, and which we were talking about coming coming episode. But going back into the point around having the difficult sometimes very emotional conversation around money.
And it’s exactly what you said, Cindy, about building trust with each other. Because if you cannot have, you know, what’s called financial intimacy, you know, there’s sexual intimacy, which we will talk about in a future episode. But then there’s also financial intimacy. It’s like, how do we really bear our soul, and it comes down to how, what we think about money, how we use it, how we spend it, how we invest in allocated, right, and that is a very hot topic. And we know from interviewing some of our guest, very successful business owners that they’ve been avoiding those conversations to some degree, right? Because they don’t know how to do it, which is why we wanted to record this episode.
So I think that the earlier you start, the more comfortable it gets. Because at the beginning, you know, you’re kind of feeling each other’s spaces, see, which I’m just test that one. And if you guys are okay with it, that’s a good match. So who pays for the first dates? Cindy? That’s a big dilemma for a lot of people, isn’t it? But not dilemma for me ever saw that for the upcoming episode our talk more about that.
But that will actually reveal your money habits already. Not really, that the money mindset and expectations,
right, so all right.
Yeah. Okay. So some
of the things that you can talk about when you’re having money conversations, right? What are those things you can
talk about what you guys as a couple wants has been on like, how, when is system, we duse the Harv Eker System we divided to certain percentage, and it that percentage doesn’t work, just tweak it until, because this is our lifestyle, we want a certain lifestyle, and we trigger towards the most important to us as a product philosophy. And so we’ll just have to know what our individual goals are and what our combined goals are. So our conversation on that is good to know. And be clear about and that would lead to a lot more of a reunion that first financially and emotionally well,
and how to rework got terms of bank accounts. How does that work? Well, yeah, but this is the thing with is very personal, and how you deal with that between between you guys just to give insight on how did we work out what to do with the bank accounts?
Well, I told him that business is business personal, it’s personal. And we open our general account as well, for both of us, all the allocated money goes into there. So basically, from the business, there’s a up sooner, like, your salary goes into their for your job,
and then we allocate it best bleed into the categories. And we also have a separate amount for each one of us has been, whatever, no question as part of account. Awesome. Okay, so now Cindy has created a really awesome allocation spreadsheet that we’re making available to you as a gift for listening to our podcast.
And you can go ahead and grab that as well as a guide to financial intimacy that we put together a ton of research and different strategies that we’re using and other couples using to really develop the strength it’s like going to the gym and developing your muscles, you need to continue to do it. And the more you work on it better you get as a couple around having, you know, money conversations and managing your money. Hitting,and achieving your money goes. So one of the things we want to do when we got married was travel around the world together and start a business together. And we’ve you know, we’re 15 months in now. And we have we’re
traveling Yeah, baby.
So let’s leave it there. If you have any questions at all, please put it in the comments or hit us up on Instagram or in our Facebook page. Otherwise head on to founders connect.co/financial intimacy and you can grab that allocation spreadsheet and use that right away and we’ll put all the links of other resources that we mentioned in episode in the show notes as well so founders connect.co forward slash podcast you can go and grab it they Thank you for tuning in. You know,
In our next episode we will discuss how to pay yourself as a small business owner
and remember to live passionately, purposefully and confidently to next time. Ciao.
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